Stacey's partner suggested fostering as a possibility

Stacey has been fostering with her partner, Simon for ten years. They have a daughter, an adopted son, a long-term foster son and still have space to take foster babies. 

Stacey's interest in fostering was sparked as a teenager when she visited a school friend whose parents fostered. When she left college, she worked in the leisure industry in private and council-run gyms, and enjoyed working with children. Fostering was something she sometimes thought about, but as a twenty-something she was going out, having fun and enjoying life, and wasn't ready to settle down yet. 

She met Simon at work. They moved into their first home in 2012 and had a little girl in 2014. While Stacy was still on maternity leave her mum sadly died.  Out of sadness came fresh possibilities: Stacey and Simon could afford a larger house, however the commute back to her old job would not be feasible. Becoming a foster carer suddenly became a possibility.  "We didn't know if it would work, Grace was only 2 at the time. Simon would be working a lot, we didn't know how we'd cope and how Grace would feel about sharing her home with other children. It was a bit of a gamble. But we decided to give it a whirl...

"Sometimes when something awful happens, you need to see if you can do something good."

They started the assessment process in October 2015 and were approved by March 2016. Initially they were approved to foster just one child aged 0-5 for short term, respite or emergency care. At the end of their first year, they went back to panel for their review and were approved to foster babies aged 0-2 and one other child aged 0-10 in the short term. Grace enjoyed helping Stacey when they welcomed their first foster baby a month later. As a family, they learned a lot over this 7-month period and got used to contact with birth parents and all the other things foster carers have to do.   

They subsequently paused foster care for a few months due to a family bereavement. Their second child was a 3 year old little boy. "We knew quite quickly he would need extra support. We worked with his school to get him an ECHP and support with a diagnosis and now he goes to a local SEN school. He fits in with our family so well, like he has always been with us, that we went back to panel in 2018 and got approved for long-term foster care so we could carry on looking after our boy." 

In 2020 they fostered a poorly foster baby. "His long-term plan was adoption. A few people showed interest in him, but no-one wanted to take it any further. There was just something very different about him in comparison to all the other babies we'd fostered by that point. Simon and I had to have a serious conversation, and he felt the same; this one was different. We decided to apply to adopt him ourselves." As foster carers, Stacey and Simon could jump straight to stage 2 of the adoption process. They were approved, matched and able to adopt him by January 2022. 

"By now our house was getting quite full, with our daughter, our boy and our son. We talked about it and decided we'd keep fostering babies and see how it goes. I can also offer respite or day care, as long as it works round the school run and doesn't impact the children I already have."  

Stacey has built a good network of other foster carers in her local area and has made firm friends with Sharon, a foster carer she met at a support group when she started fostering. "It's so important to have friends who do the same job as you. No-one else truly understands what fostering is like, but another foster carer just gets it immediately." 

Stacey and Simon are really family orientated. They all have hobbies and their own things to do as well as things they do together. "It's about being part of a family, and that's how I grew up. It's how my mum was with me, she'd make big deals of birthdays and other events." And that's what Stacey and Simon do now.  

"Our whole family treats all the kids the same. If I've got someone for the day or the weekend, they just treat them as if they've always lived here, the minute they walk through the door." 

Stacey reflects that fostering isn't all roses. They do have to manage their mental health and emotions, particularly when their journey with one child comes to an end. They have to regroup, have some time as just their family, talk everything through and then they're ready to go forwards. Never a day goes by without her learning something new from one of the children she's fostered or adopted, and she loves being part of so many children's extended families.

"No child asks to be brought into care. No kid should have to come into care. But if they do, they deserve to live with a family who is ready to love them, to embrace them and make them part of their family, for however long.

Staceys thinks that as a foster carer, the best thing is knowing you've been part of a child's journey. Whether a baby goes on to adoption or is reunited with their family, you know you've been an important part of their life.